Potions Storeroom Madness: The Prequel
by Ethereal Light
Summary: A prequel to Potions Storeroom Madness by Samurai Light! When the four Marauders are confined in a Potions storeroom, what WILL happen? Warnings: Randomness, OOC, weirdness and PIGGIES!
1. Sirius and the PIGGIES!

**Potions Storeroom Madness: The Prequel**

**Disclaimer: **I do not, in any way, own Harry Potter. Thank you

**Sirius and the Piggies!**

"I **knew** this was a bad idea!" Sirius Black proclaimed triumphantly.

"No you didn't," James Potter spoke up irritably, "Because you were the one who came up with the idea!"

"Hey, it's not **my** fault Professor Slughorn left the Potions Cupboard **wide** **open**!" Sirius said with big, innocent googly eyes.

"Shut up Padfoot," James retorted snappishly.

"YOU were RUDE to **ME**!" Sirius shrieked, sounding like a banshee with a bad hair day.

"PADFOOT!" Remus Lupin's voice echoed loudly throughout the little space.

"Erm…Sirius?" Peter Pettigrew said nervously, "I think you have your foot in my butt."

Perhaps it would have been better to explain that the four 'ingenious' Marauders were stuck inside a little Potions store room in the middle of lunch at Hogwarts.

How it happened? Let's just say that you should never get Sirius Black within seeing range of an open cupboard containing several multicoloured liquid jars.

"I hate my life, I hate my life," Remus chanted, closing his eyes and desperately wishing that when he opened them, he would lying comfortabley in his four-poster bed and munching on a Chocolate Frog.

"That's what happens when you're best friends with Padfoot," James put it.

Wriggling a bit, the black-haired kid tried to reach under the door.

"It's all your fault for shoving our wands outside Sirius!" Peter moaned.

"Not my fault!" Sirius repeated again, patting an unwilling Peter on the head in a fatherly like action.

Let me explain that the four looked remarkably like a circus act. Remus, Peter and James were bent down and squashed against the small confinements of the walls whilst Sirius sat ontop of them like a man and his three horses.

"What's this?" Sirius asked, spotting a shiny, glinty thing up in the corner and shoving it into his mouth.

Note to self: Never EVER swallow a shiny, glinty thing when it's wedged up in the corner of a Potions storeroom.

"Ooh!" Sirius giggled, sounding so much like a girl that the three others at the bottom looked up hopefully, "This is fun!"

"Huh?" Remus, Peter and James said simultaneously.

"I see piggies!" Sirius said, looking totally wacko although the others couldn't see, "Ooh…big, **pink** piggies flying…"

"Padfoot I-" James began but was silenced by a crashing blow to his head.

"You're the piggy!" Sirius giggled, "You're the piggy in the middle!"

"AHHHH!" James shrieked as he felt his head wobble, "YOU BROKE MY HEAD PADFOOT!"

"You're the piggy yes you are! You're a true P-I-G-Y!" Sirius laughed and chanted in a disgustingly girly singsong.

"I'M NOT THE PIGGY AND YOU SPELT IT WRONG!" James bellowed.

Sirius ignored him.

Instead, the black haired boy poked Remus, who cringed and hoped Sirius wasn't going to deliver a blow to his head as well.

"Are piggies pink?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Well, no," Remus began, about to go on a rant about how pigs possessed a skin colour that was still a slight mixture of brown and-

**BAM!**

"AHHHH!" Remus yelled, louder than James, "PADFOOT! YOU BROKE MY SKULL!"

"YOU INSULTED PIGGY!" Sirius bellowed even louder than Remus and poked the poor boy over the head repeatedly, "YOU SHALL NOT INSULT PIGGY! YOU MUST OBEY THE ALL-POWERFUL LORD PIGGY!"

"I hate my life, I hate my life," Remus chanted again.

All throughout this, Peter squatted silently, wondering what on earth had gotten into his friend's heads. Of course, you couldn't blame the rather dense guy.

"I AM THE PIGGY! YES, YOU MUST ALL OBEY THE ALL POWERFUL LORD PIGGY OF HAMLAND!" Sirius squealed, jumping up and down, causing excruciating pain on James' behalf.

"He hasn't realized that ham is made of him," James laughed. A little too loud.

**BAM!**

"AHHHHHHH!"

"Oh boy…" Remus muttered darkly.

"Ooh…what's that?" Sirius giggled in a schoolgirl manner and staring, starry-eyed at something on the top, right hand corner of the cupboard.

"Shiny, glinty thing! I've found you!" Sirius giggled crazily. His eyes glazed over as he gazed at the mysterious thing, enraptured.

"Sirius!" James moaned in anguish as his head throbbed from the two blows he had been given previously, "What is it?"

"It is?" Sirius asked, coming out of his hypnotized state of mind but still hyper, "The shiny, glinty thing?"

"Yeah," James groaned, "What's making you go mental?"

"You want to share?" Sirius asked innocently and then pulling out the shiny, glinty thing.

"No…I-" James began but was cut off abruptly.

"YOU SHARE WITH ME!" Sirius screamed like a maniac and then forcefully shoved the shiny, glinty thing into James' mouth, "YOU HAVE SHARE!"

_**Author's Note **_

_Yes, my (or our) most random story **ever**! But what do you think of it? Sorry for the short chapter but there will be more to come. There will be four more chapters, three for the other Marauders and one epilogue (if necessary). _

_Anyway, what do you think? Sirius is WAAAY OOC but hey, that's what parody is all about! So read and review people and tell me (or us) what you think! _

_**Next time: **It's an early Christmas for James...or is it?_

_Until the next chapter,_

_**Eternal Phoenix**_


	2. Merry Christmas James!

**Potions Storeroom Madness: A Prequel**

**Disclaimer: **All we own is our very crazy imaginations. So we don't own Harry Potter

**Chapter Two**

_**Last Chapter:**_

"_You want to share?" Sirius asked innocently and then pulling out the shiny, glinty thing._

"_No…I-" James began but was cut off abruptly._

_"YOU SHARE WITH ME!" Sirius screamed like a maniac and then forcefully shoved the shiny, glinty thing into James' mouth, "YOU HAVE SHARE!"_

**Merry Christmas James!**

The scene was frozen as James, with a look of utter horror on his face, swallowed the shiny, glinty thing. Then, a slow, dopey grin spread across the poor boy's face. Remus and Peter looked at James weirdly and then, James went nuts like Sirius was.

"JINGLE BELLS! SNAPEY SMELLS! SIRIUS LAID AN EGG!" James yelled at the top of his lungs.

"AHHH! MY EARS! MY EARS!" Remus shrieked.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" James yelled and grabbed a fistful of poor Peter's hair and pulled. Hard.

Note to self: Never, ever, EVER swallow a shiny, glinty thing that someone gave to you that was wedged up in the corner of a Potions Storeroom.

"AHHHHHH! MY HAIR! MY HAIR!"

"PIGGIES ARE DANCING!" Sirius chimed in off key.

"SANTA IS HERE!" James yelled happily into Remus's ear.

"PRONGS!"

With all the racket going on inside the small, small cupboard, it was surprising that no one outside had heard the racket. But this was Hogwarts. And in Hogwarts, there were _**magic** _storerooms.

"RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEEEER! HAD A VERY SHINY NOOOOOOSEE! AND IF YOU EVER SAW IIIIIIIIIIT, YOU WOULD EVEN SAY IT GLOOOOOOWS!" James chanted at the top of his lungs.

It was fortunate James was not too much of a horrible singer-it was really just the high-pitched sound that was giving Remus a headache.

"I AM THE LORD PIGGY! PIGGIES MUST BE ORGANICALLY GROWN AND MUST BE SUPERHYPERDESHED WITH SUGAR!" Sirius proclaimed triumphantly.

Remus was about to speak up and remind Sirius that 'superhyperdeshed' was not a word but received another crashing blow on his forehead, this time from James.

"YOU DIDN'T WISH ME A MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"I hate my life, I hate my life," Remus moaned.

He and Peter covered their ears as James and Sirius began performing a horrible duet together, in a mixture of 'royal announcements' and Christmas Carols, whilst bashing each other on the head with a very heavy Potions book (That materialized out of no where) every turn.

The end result turned into something like this (and the bashes getting more frequent):

"SIIIIILENT NIIIIIGHT…HOOOOOOLY NIIIIIIGHT-"

**BAM!**

"THE EVIL LORD PIGGY SHALL TAKE OVER HAMLAND AND SALAMILAND!"

**BAM!**

"AAWAAAY IN THE MAAANGER-"

**BAM!**

"MY MINIONS OF EVIL PINK PIGGIES SHALL BAND WITH-"

**BAM!**

"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY-"

**BAM!**

"AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS INTERRUPTED-"

**BAM!**

"OH…YOU BETTER WATCH OUT-"

**BAM!**

"WE SHALL MAKE AN ALLIANCE WITH-"

**BAM!**

"JOY TO THE WORLD-"

**BAM!**

"THE FURRY PINK BUNNY SLIPPERS SHALL BE OUR FRIENDS!"

**BAM!**

"WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS-"

**BAM!**

"QUIET!" Remus yelled at the top of his voice, half deafening Peter.

There was suddenly a big silence, as though someone had plunged a stopper into the sink. Sirius and James stared at Remus with wide, shocked and glazed eyes.

Then, the storm burst. Well, more like the **snow**storm burst.

Reaching out into Remus's right pocket, James wrenched out several pieces of parchment and randomly tore it up into little bits, a maniacal gleam in his eye. Throwing up the parchment, he bellowed, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!"

"THAT WAS THE MARAUDERS' MAP!" Remus shrieked, horrified as he watched the tiny fragments of parchment fall on the floor in a heap of small scraps.

"No, the map is here," Peter corrected, pulling the real map from Remus's left pocket.

"THEN-THAT-WAS-MY-10-FOOT-LONG-ESSAY-ON-GOBLIN-REBELLIATIONS-IN-THE-15th-CENTURY-PROFESSOR-BINNS-GAVE-ME-TO-WRITE-FOR-A-CLASS-PRESENTATION-THIS-AFTERNOON!" Remus screamed.

There was a long silence as Sirius and James blinked a couple of times at each other.

"You said that all in one breath," James said, his eyes wide with awe behind his glasses, that statement being the only complete sentence he hadsaid for the entire time he had swallowed the shiny, glinty thing.

"Yeah…he did!" Sirius said slowly.

"Why do you keep your essays in your pocket?" James asked sweetly, peering curiously at Remus's pocket, as though hoping more parchment would pop out randomly for him to rip up.

"You need a cheer-upperer!" Sirius said cheerfully and then randomly yanked another shiny, glinty thing from the corner of the Potions storeroom, "YAY! Another shiny, glinty thingamabob!"

Remus opened his mouth to remind Sirius that 'cheer-upperer' and 'thingamabob' were not sane words but was silenced as the shiny, glinty thing went down his esophagus and into his stomach, ready to be digested into another chapter of randomness…

_**Author's Note **_

_Wow…I write these chapters really fast. Sorry about the length of the chapter again but it's really supposed to be a short, short continuous story or a long, long one-shot. Thought that completely a continuous story would be more satisfying so here you are._

_So far, poor Remus and Peter have to endure the weird antics of Sirius and James, whilst being locked in a Potions storeroom. But what will happen now that Remus has swallowed this **Shiny Glinty Thing**? _

_**Big** thank you reviewers!_

_**Sachia**- Yeah! Go the piggies! Piggies vs. Unbearable Christmas Carols…who will win? Thanks for reviewing!_

_**Shale 101**- Thanks for reviewing!_

_**Aurorablu**- NOOOO! The pickles are evil! EVIL I TELL YA! **Breathes in and out** Thanks for reviewing!_

_**TooSweet4Words**- 'Cos it's based on Via's story! That's what! **Whacks Pixie over on head** Thanks for reviewing! Cookoo bird!_

_**Next time**: Remus gets his dose of randomness. What will happen next? And what will poor, poor Peter do?_

_Next time people!_

_**Eternal Phoenix**_


	3. Remus the Impersonator

**Potions Storeroom Madness: The Prequel**

**Disclaimer: **We don't own Harry Potter

**Chapter Three **

_**Last Chapter:**_

_Remus opened his mouth to remind Sirius that 'cheer-upperer' and 'thingamabob' were not sane words but was silenced as the shiny, glinty thing went down his esophagus and into his stomach, ready to be digested into another chapter of randomness…_

**Remus the Impersonator**

"Noooo," Peter moaned interror as Remus's face adopted a look of utter horror as the shiny glinty thing ran down his throat.

Note to self: Never, ever, ever, EVER swallow a shiny, glinty that someone gave to someone else who gave it to you that was wedged up in the corner of a Potions Storeroom.

There was a stunned silence (In which Sirius took a chance to pick his nose and oink like a pig) and then Remus's eyes took on the same glazed look as James and Sirius. But he didn't explode unlike his predecessors. Instead, he whacked poor Peter on the head.

"AHHHHH! My head!" Peter yelled.

Without looking at him, Remus bent his head as if he were bowing to the closed cupboard door and muttered a few incomprehensible sentences, whilst shooting shifty glances at Peter.

"Remus?" Peter squeaked, hoping his werewolf friend was at least still **partly** sane.

Moving a hand to wave in front of Remus's muttering face, Peter yanked his hand back as Remus burst into a very weird chorus.

"I'm a llama, yes I am! I am a true llamaa!"

This was the trigger for James and Sirius.

"WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS-"

"Piggies are the best! Piggies reign supreme!"

Peter covered his ears and cowered under the combined fierce bellows of James, Sirius and Remus. Whimpering like the rat he was, Peter attempted to unbolt the door. But he was blocked in his attempt by a very drunken-looking Remus Lupin.

Swinging his arms in a chicken-like movement, Remus swung to the left and right, all the time bellowing an off-tune chant.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!"

"PIGGIES!"

"Silent night…holy night…all is-"

James stopped as Remus jabbed him in the face with a still widely swinging arm. Remus had a silly, idiotic sort of grin on his face, the kind that Sirius had now borne for almost half an hour.

Still pumping his arms, Remus began yodeling like the idiot the shiny, glinty thing had made him. Peter covered his ears as Remus switched, without effort, to an ear-shattering opera solo.

There was a long, ringing silence after Remus's, rather belated, song. Then, Remus began his onslaught as an impersonator.

"Potter! Black! Detention for a year my boys!" He said, imitating a strange, deep voice that Professor Slughorn usually bore.

"Hooray!" Sirius cheered as James struck up another round of Christmas carols in celebration.

Then, Remus did an impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Potter. Black. Have a cookie!" He yelled in a high pitched voice that Professor McGonagall **didn't** use.

In the process, he managed to punch Peter on the nose with his fist, a make believe tartan tin. There was no further prompting. James and Sirius pounced onto Remus's fist and began drawing invisible cookies from thin air.

Remus simply grinned idiotically as James and Sirius began stuffing air cookies into their mouths, Sirius adding some sound effects by oinking, and James humming 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' as he ate.

Withdrawing his fist, Remus began doing an impersonation of Lily Evans.

"No Potter!" He said in a Lily-type tone, "I will not go out with you!"

"Why not?" James pleaded in an itsy-bitsy spider-like voice, his eyes filling with uncharacteristic tears.

"Because," Remus began, holding up five fingers and counting on them, "First year, you tried to impress me by flying on a stolen broomstick but ended up covering me with mud. Second year, you gave me a singing card for Valentines Day that almost deafened me. Third year, you tried to hex a first year for fun but ended up giving Rianne warts."

Peter made a sound of protest as Sirius jabbed him in the ribs whilst listening to Remus recount some unflattering moments in James's school years.

"Fourth year, you tried to tackle the Giant Squid but ended up dragging me into the lake. Fifth year, you hexed Snape and got me mad at you. Sixth year-"

At this point, Remus broke off, staring with apparent confusion at his five fingers, all of which had been counted for.

"Where'd all my fingers go?" He asked James innocently.

"Piggies only have one finger," Sirius offered irrelevantly.

"I know!" Remus yelled triumphantly, grabbing poor Peter's hand and hoisting the hand up to eye level.

"MY HAND!" Peter roared, with the loudest voice he could muster.

"GOOD ON YOU!" Sirius retorted, even louder than Peter.

"Anyway," Remus said again; slapping Sirius's hand like a diva, and jabbing his thumb into Peter's index finger, "Sixth year you tried to kiss me under the mistletoe but ended up getting stuck in the doorway. And seventh year…I don't know yet!"

There was a silence as James blinked. Then, he burst into a hysterical round of 'Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer', which was probably his form of crying in his belated and mental state.

"RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER! HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE! AND IF YOU EVER SAW IT…YOU WOULD EVEN SAY IT GLOWS! ALL OF THE OTHER REINDEERS, USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAAMES…"

"LIKE I CALLED JAMES: 'POTTER' AND 'POTTY'!" Remus interjected.

"PIGGIES…PIGGIES…OH, ALL HAIL THE PIGGIES OF SALAMILAND! ALL HAIL THE PIGGIES OF HAMLAND! OH, I AM THE ALL POWERFUL LORD PIGGY!"

Then, Remus began to giggle hysterically, batting his eyelashes in a horrendously girly manner, smiling sweetly at Sirius with glazed eyes. Primly taking an air-teacup, Remus began sipping his fingers and talking in a posh voice.

"Yes Mother, that's what dear Mrs. Black said," He started saying, apparently talking to Sirius's black hair, and sipping his teacup with a rather heavy English accent, "Yes, the Potters. _**Horrible** _family of blood-traitors I am sure!"

Upon hearing this, Sirius bashed Remus on the nose for some reason or another.

Sneaking up onto Remus, James sudden grabbed Remus's right leg and yelled.

"YOINKS! GOT YOUR NOSE!"

Then, Remus switched from primly sipping his teacup to imitating Peter in a monotonous voice that sounded like he had just woken up from a coffin.

"Hello. My name is Peter Pettigrew. I'm seventeen but really I behave like a five-year-old. I like salami and cucumbers. When I grow up, I want to be a singer. I like to play in the swimming pool in the summer. When I play, I get a rubber duck and pretend I'm a singer."

James and Sirius gawked at Peter, who was frantically trying to conceal his beet-red face. The boy attempted to shut Remus's robotically moving mouth to no avail.

"My rubber duck is very special to me. He's made of rubber. That's why he's called a rubber duck. He's yellow with big eyes and he likes looking at me. I have a matching yellow T-shirt. My rubber duck's name is Quacky."

James and Sirius roared with laughter, even in their insane forms. Then, Sirius began oinking like a pig. And James began to slowly chant 'Silent Night'.

It was to their expense. Remus switched from blurting out Peter's embarrassing secrets to blurting out Sirius's embarrassing secrets in the same zombie-like tone.

"Hello. My name is Sirius Black. I'm seventeen but I really behave like I'm four-and-a-half. My favourite colour is bright fuchsia although my last name is Black. I secretly wish to be called Sirius Pink. I like eating dirt and meat pies. When I grow up, I want to be a model."

Peter began laughing hysterically and James joined in. Sirius blinked for a second before joining in, not realizing that they were laughing _**at** _him, not _**with** _him.

"I also have a special friend. He's a plushie pig called Snuffles. He's bright pink with a red belly button and I like him because I like pink. When I'm alone with him, I call him Mr. Pink Snufflepig."

"PIGGIES!" Sirius yelled, hearing only one word of Remus's story.

Remus ignored him and then switched to James's embarrassing moments without skipping a beat.

"Hello. My name is James Potter. I'm seventeen but I act like I'm three-years-old. My favourite object in the whole world is Lily Evans. My favourite colour is green since Lily's eyes are green. I secretly wish for Lily Evans to be called Lily Potter."

Peter and Sirius yawned as this not surprising piece of information hit their ears in a monotone. Sirius oinked several times but that was it from the audience.

"I like drawing Lily Evans although I make her look like a hippopotamus with red hair. My favourite toy is my pillow, where I drew Lily Evans on the pillowcase. Every night, I like snogging my pillow and hope it was Lily Evans."

"NYOOO!" James yelled angrily, "YOU TELL ALL MY SECRETS!"

"Yoinks!" Remus said abruptly, sounding very un-Remus. Grabbing something from the corner, he pulled out yet **another** silver, shiny, glinty thing.

"YAY!" Sirius yelled happily, "We have another shiny, glinty thing!"

"We need a new friend," Remus added thoughtfully and then, his gleaming eyes fell on poor Peter, who was crouched in the corner, "He can be our newest bestest buddy!"

"Wha-" Peter began but was silenced as Remus shoved the shiny, glinty thing in the poor mousy boy's mouth, digesting and grinding into more crazy chapters…

_**Author's Note **_

_Lol. This really got me out of my writer's block although it was really random. So what do you think? Is Sirius and Peter weird or what? Quacky and Snuffles? Recognize Snuffles from anywhere? And poor James…Lily Evans infatuation that's what he's got. **Shakes head. **_

_Anyway, please review and a huge thank you to the last bunch of reviewers-really appreciate it! **Gets our boxes of icecream out**_

_**Holly**- They do don't they? Thanks for reviewing! You get a caramel vanilla icecream!_

_**xxStarDreamerxx- **Oops. Hope you didn't die yet-we need more reviews! Lol. Thanks for reviewing! You get chocolate icecream!_

_**Tenten-kun- **Uh oh. That wouldn't be a pretty sight! **Gasps** Anyway, thanks for reviewing! You can have a big scoop of mint icecream!_

_**Milf**- Wow. Shortest review ever! Anyway, you get vanilla icecream!_

_**Aurorablu**- NOOO! Gimme back my flutes! **Evil glare** But thanks for wishing the flutes a long life! Thanks for the review as always Sierra! You get… **drumroll** cookies and cream icecream! Mmm…my favourite!_

_**TooSweet4Words- **Awww…I think your review was the shortest…hmm…anyway, thanks Pixie-whatever that meant! You get…coffee icecream! Now remember to share with your sister! **Tut tut**_

_**Moony**- NOO! To think we were **this** close to getting a cookie! **Bursts into hysterical sobs** Anyway, grazie for your review! You get…rainbow icecream…now you owe us two cookies… **shifty look**_

_Until the next crazy chapter people!_

_**Ethereal Laeye and Moonlit Hikari**_


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